Tuesday Tips: Etiquette Q & A

We’re now taking etiquette questions, so email us at etiquette{at}somethingdetailed{dot}com with your wedding etiquette questions. We’ll post them every Tuesday.
QUESTION: 
I am planning to send my family in Indiana save the dates and wedding invitations for our formal ceremony. However, I don’t really want them to come to the actual wedding because I have a guest count limit from my venue and for my budget. We plan on having a post-celebration for my Indiana family in Indiana.  Should I send them invites to keep them feeling involved? How do you politely tell the Indiana family that they don’t need to worry about coming to the wedding because there will be a post-celebration?
ANSWER:
Treat them like separate events. So, they should not get a save the date or invitation to the wedding at all if you don’t want them there. You can let the bridal party and family spread the word that the Nashville wedding will be a more intimate event and that they will have a Indiana “reception” for that side of the family. They can put a positive spin on it and make it sound really fun and exciting to be able to see everyone in Indiana. Send a separate save the date and invitation or announcement of the marriage with info about the Indiana event. If you really feel that they need to receive an invitation, include a special enclosure with the wedding invite for the Indiana guests about that “special” event that will encourage them to come. Include information about the Indiana event on your wedding website that may be included on the save the date. Anyone who gets a save the date should get an invite, either way. Definitely don’t tell them they aren’t invited or that they can’t come – that would be rude. So, smile, act happy to see them and be grateful they made the trip down if they do show up in Nashville  for the wedding ceremony.
Shameless plug: did you know we have an etiquette book? It’s available on Etsy for a steal and it can help you navigate tricky situations for your wedding invitations. We’re pretty excited about it!